


Lucifer's Light

by Antarctic_Echoes



Series: Meta-Lucifer on AO3 [4]
Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Meta, Ridiculously Meta
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-05
Updated: 2016-12-05
Packaged: 2018-09-06 14:14:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8755747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Antarctic_Echoes/pseuds/Antarctic_Echoes
Summary: After being banned from writing erotic fanfiction on AO3 by Chloe, Lucifer turns his eye to romantic fanfiction... and learns something about himself in the process.Sequel to "Shipping Lucifer."(I broke all this meta-Lucifer out of the one-shots and turned it into its own series.)





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [titC](https://archiveofourown.org/users/titC/gifts), [skaoi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/skaoi/gifts), [upquarkAO3](https://archiveofourown.org/users/upquarkAO3/gifts), [BigKahuna](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BigKahuna/gifts), [Leona_Esperanza](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leona_Esperanza/gifts), [ScooterThyme](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScooterThyme/gifts), [SueBob99](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SueBob99/gifts).



> Again, soooooo many people to thank!
> 
> This is dedicated to:
> 
> titC, skaoi, upquarkAO3 and SueBob99 for all the wonderful plot bunnies! A big shout out to BigKahuna too -- I am still using your IP address bunny! Thank you all for your ideas, I really appreciate it!!!
> 
> Leona_Esperanza for all the wonderful inspiration for Naked Lucifer (although he doesn't make an appearance here), and for Maze's comment -- I altered one of them quite a bit, sorry. The other will appear in another part, word for word, I promise! :-D Thank you!!!
> 
> BecomeMyObsession -- I hope this helps make the week go by faster! :D
> 
> ScooterThyme for being the most fantastic editor in the world and for making this what it is. You grabbed all the weak parts and made them so much better! Thank you!!!
> 
>  
> 
> Disclaimer: Lucifer Morningstar, Chloe Decker, Dan Espinoza, Linda Martin and Ella Lopez are owned by Vertigo Comics, DC Comics, Neil Gaiman, Mike Carey, and everyone else involved with the Lucifer TV show and comic books. I own nothing and make no money on this. I merely am borrowing the characters for... uh... writing practice.

 

 

The detective laid on top of Lucifer, protecting him as gunshots rang out around them.  Really, he should have been the one protecting her, but she had spotted the gunman first.  Knocking him to the ground, she covered him with her body as she yelled at the policemen around her to chase after the suspect.  Lucifer groaned with passion as he felt her body pressed hard against him.  He could just imagine them in bed together, their bodies entwined as they made mad, passionate love....

The sound of footsteps receded around them.  For a moment it seemed as if his detective was going to let him up, but then she made the mistake of looking down at him.  As she studied him, her lips parted, her breathing grew ragged, and her aqua eyes darkened with desire.  Suddenly her lips were on his, and she was kissing him deeply.  A passionate moan escaped him as she ran her hands over his chest, popping buttons off as she tore his shirt open hungrily.  Her warm hands were everywhere, caressing and stroking him --

  
  


 

________________________________________

  
  


 

“Bloody hell!” Lucifer roared as he shoved his chair away from the desk at which he sat and glared at Dan’s computer screen.  Why was it that every time he tried to write a flowery, beautiful romance, it turned into PrinceLuci666’s erotica?!  He just couldn’t understand it.  How did those lovely ladies in the LuciCryph writers’ group produce such beautiful stories without going down that dark path?  Well... some of them did, but many of them did not.  This was his eleventh --  _ eleventh! _ \-- try at writing a story, and all of them had ended up with the detective and him making mad, passionate sex.  And not just sex --  _ graphic _ sex!  Which he really didn’t mind, but he knew that Chloe would.  She had shut down his erotic fanfiction fantasies, after all, so he really couldn’t write like that anymore.  Plus that wasn’t what romance was about, was it?  At least, it wasn’t in the LuciCryph stories....

No, the LuciCryph stories were filled with... feelings.  Beautiful feelings that evoked tears -- even from him, the Devil!  Imagine, the Devil crying over a story!  It defied belief!  And yet those lovely writers were able to do it.  He wanted to do it too.  He especially wanted to evoke feelings in his partner, so that, perhaps, she might someday develop... feelings for him...?

Lucifer blinked as he pulled his chair back up to Dan’s computer.  The thought of Chloe developing feelings for him made a strange warmth filter through his body like someone had wrapped him up in a fluffy, soft, warm down comforter, all big and billowing like a cloud --

Bloody hell!  He had to stop this.  He was turning into a bloody prat.

Sighing, he logged off the computer and stood.  No one in the squad room even took notice of him, for they were used to seeing him sit at Dan’s desk when Chloe was filing reports and Dan was in the field.  Massaging the back of his neck, Lucifer decided he needed help.  Badly.  Grabbing his suit jacket off the back of the chair, he pulled it on as he walked over to the crime lab.

He found Ella hunched over her desk, filling out paperwork.  Knocking politely at the open door, he entered when she turned and waved him in.  Putting her pen into her lab coat, she stood up and gave him a hug, which had him stiffening up like a corpse.

But the hug was over before he knew it, and then she was bouncing in front of him, her cheery face aglow with excitement.  “So?  How goes it, Lightbringer1?”

Lightbringer1 was his new pseudonym.  Ella had helped him pick it out, saying that keeping PrinceLuci666 would only bring more attention back to the erotica, which Chloe did not want.  After peppering him with questions about the different names that referred to the Devil, she had chosen that one.  He personally liked Morningstar4theWin, but she had said it was too obvious.

“It’s not going well,” Lucifer confessed.  “I can’t write about... feelings.”

A puzzled frown fell over the bubbly lab assistant’s face.  “Why not?”

“I don’t... understand them.”

“Oh come on!  You just have to get in touch with your feminine side!”  Ella elbowed him teasingly.  “Or are you too much of a macho dude to want to get in touch with it?”

“Macho dude...?”  Lucifer blinked, then shook himself.  “Not at all, it’s not that.  It’s just that... human feelings are alien to me.”

Her mouth fell open, and then she laughed.  “Oh man, Lucifer!  You  _ never _ drop character!  I am so impressed by your skills!”  She gave his arm a reassuring pat.  “Look, if you’re having that much trouble, why don’t you go see Linda?  I’m sure she can help you get in touch with your feelz!”

Lucifer finally smiled.  Ah yes, Doctor Linda!  Surely she could help with this problem!  Thanking Ella profusely, he practically ran out of the station to his car.

 

 

________________________________________

 

 

Linda stared at him like he had three heads.

Lucifer wasn’t quite sure why....  It was very similar to how she had reacted after he had proven to her that he was the Devil.  Her eyes were big and wide, and she sat frozen in her chair with her mouth open.

“Linda?” he said in a tiny voice, worried that she had relapsed into insanity and fear about his identity.  Pouring himself a glass of water from the pitcher on the table before him, he took a large gulp to steady himself.

“You....” she said and broke off.

“Linda, are you all right?” he asked as he placed the glass on the table and cocked his head at her.  He really didn’t want to go sorting through her issues again when they should be talking about  _ him. _  “You’re beginning to worry me.”

The blonde therapist stared at him for a long moment before she said,  _ “You’re _ PrinceLuci666?”

Lucifer did a double-take.  “I beg your pardon?”

A big smile lit Linda’s face and she said gleefully, “You’re PrinceLuci666!  I can’t believe it!”

“How did you...?” he asked as he gaped at her.

“I’m 1800ProfessorFeelGood on AO3!  I’m part of the LuciCryph group!  I had suspected, but I had never known for sure until you posted your picture!”

Stunned, all Lucifer could say was, “Oh.”  Then he brightened.  “1800ProfessorFeelGood!  I’ve read some of your stories -- you’re the one who puts me through such exquisite torture!  Stabbing me, burning me, throwing me into a cell in Hell, shooting me, destroying my life -- well done, Doctor!  Well done!”

She laughed, flustered at his praise.  “Yes, well, I do like whump, but you always survive in the end.”

“Indeed I do, Doctor,” he said with a grin.  She smiled with him, then shook her head.

“But enough about me.  PrinceLuci666....  You’re -- wow.  I mean, wow.  Just wow, Lucifer!  That means the detective is Chloe, right?”  Linda laughed excitedly.  “Wow!  You know this puts a whole different light on our sessions, don’t you?  Because you obviously have feelings --”

“And feelings are what I want to talk to you about,” Lucifer interrupted in an effort to head off his therapist’s conversation.  He had a suspicion he knew where she was going, and it hit too close to home for him to deal with.  He didn’t want to think about Chloe and his... feelings.  He wasn’t ready for that.  “You know I’m trying to change the direction of my writing -- I posted it on the Facebook page.”

“Well, yes, I saw that, but I didn’t think --” Linda said, her voice petering off.  She cocked her head at him.  “So... you really aren’t going to be writing any more erotica?”

Was that disappointment in her voice?  “No.  The detective has shut me down.”

“So you’d like to discuss that,” the blonde woman said, nodding.

“Actually, no.”  His statement had Linda looking sharply at him.  Uncomfortable with her penetrating gaze, Lucifer shifted on the couch and crossed his long legs.  “She explained to me that continuing to write erotica would hurt her, and that’s the last thing I want to do.”  He uncrossed his legs, planted his elbows on his thighs, and leaned forward.  “I want to write... romance.  With the detective, of course... but I can’t seem to do that without falling into....”

“Erotica?” Linda provided helpfully.

“Exactly.  I don’t understand human feelings, Doctor.  How am I to write a romance if I don’t have any of the feelings that you humans do?”

The blonde therapist stared long and hard at the Devil, then smiled gently.  “You do have these feelings, Lucifer.  If there’s one thing I know after all of our sessions together, it’s that you do have feelings.  Human feelings.  You feel joy --”

“Especially when I have sex!” Lucifer interrupted with a wicked grin.

Linda continued as if he had never spoken.  “You feel happiness, anger, jealousy, guilt... even love.”  When Lucifer opened his mouth to protest, she nodded her head at him.  “Yes, Lucifer, even love.  You just don’t want to acknowledge it, because it makes you vulnerable.  But you  _ do _ feel, Lucifer... and that’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

He leaned back against the couch’s backrest, his face puzzled and his brow furrowed.  “But... but why can’t I write about these feelings, then?  I can’t write anything like you lovely women can in the LuciCryph group.”

“That’s because you’re writing all about you.  Try writing about her, Lucifer.  Don’t write about what you want to do with Chloe -- although I must say some of those things you want to do are quite... arousing.  Don’t think about you -- think about  _ her _ when you write.  When you do that, you will find that things will fall into place.”

A worried expression fell over Lucifer’s face.  “I... I don’t know how to  _ not _ think about me!”

“You know, Lucifer.  Deep down, you know,” she said in a kind voice.  “Give it a try.  If you still have problems, come back and see me.”

 

 

________________________________________

 

 

Lucifer pondered Linda’s words all the way back to the station.  It was getting late, and he was sure Chloe had already left, but he found himself going back there anyway.  He should have driven to LUX, which would have made more sense, but he couldn’t.  Something was pushing him to go to the station... to Dan’s computer, actually.

He strode into the precinct and glanced around.  He didn’t recognize many people -- it was the night shift.  He made his way over to Dan’s desk and saw signs that the douche had come and gone.  Good.  He’d be uninterrupted.

Lucifer sat in front of the computer screen for a long time, trying hard to tap into the feelings that Linda said he had.  Think about the detective, she had said.  His brow furrowed as he thought of Chloe, and what he wanted to do with her --

No.  That’s not what he was supposed to think about.  Bringing up an image of his beautiful partner in his mind’s eye, he thought about everything that made her so special.  Her incredible loyalty, her keen sense of judgement, all the attributes that made her a good detective and such a good friend....

Logging onto his AO3 account, he clicked on “New Work” and began to write.

 

 

________________________________________

 

 

Hours later, he stretched in Dan’s chair and turned his head to and fro, cracking his neck bones.  Done.  He couldn’t believe the story had come together so easily... and he had to say, he was proud of it.  Although it was nowhere near as evocative as his erotica in terms of sex -- in fact, there wasn’t a naked body in it! -- it had... heart.  He hoped it had enough heart to move the detective’s... but even if it didn’t, he was satisfied.

He gifted it to RekcedC, although he was sure that Chloe wouldn’t know who Lightbringer1 was... and maybe that was a good thing.  Truth be told, he was a little embarrassed and shy about his emotional exposure in the story.  All his feelings laid out bare for all to see....  He considered deleting the tale, then took a deep breath and pushed the “post without preview” button.  No going back now.

Turning off Dan’s computer, he left the station with a bit of a spring in his step.

 

 

________________________________________

 

 

The next day, Lucifer got in early, before Chloe or Dan, and practically ran to Dan’s computer.  He really wanted to see if he had gotten a response from the detective.  His heart pounded with excitement and his hands trembled madly as he logged on to AO3.

254 hits, 14 comments, and 26 kudos.

Hm.... The percentage of kudos to hits was only 10 percent.  Obviously, he was doing something wrong...?  When he was writing as PrinceLuci666, his percentage was around 40 percent!  Frowning, he clicked on his inbox to see what everyone had said.  Hopefully there would be one from Chloe....

Well!  Maze had chimed in on the third comment down.

From 1ForgedInHell: Bwahahaha!  Seriously?!  You have fallen so far, my lord and master.  You know she’s going to kill you.  She is so going to punch you in the face repeatedly until your head looks like a bloody, pulpy mess, and I am going to be there enjoying every second of it.  Bwahahahaha!!!  >:-D

Lucifer’s mouth twisted unhappily.  Bloody hell!  Later on he’d check out 1ForgedInHell’s profile page and see what kind of stories  _ she _ was writing, or if she even wrote, and then  _ he  _ would laugh at  _ her! _

Doctor Linda’s comment caught his eye as he continued to read, and it cheered him up considerably.

From 1800ProfessorFeelGood: I knew you could do it!  Well done!

And then there was one from DanTheMan.  He didn’t know who that was, but it was a nice comment.

From DanTheMan: Really well done.  You don’t often find fics like these.  Liked the interaction between the two main characters.  Good job.

Lucifer’s eyebrows shot up when he spotted Amenadiel’s comment.  His brother was on AO3? That was surprising.  And he wasn’t even trying to hide who he was!

From Amenadiel: Ashes.  Just ashes.  I mean, seriously.  Your grammar sucks.  Your whole plot line is completely implausible.  And Lucifer in the story?  Obvious cardboard character.  Let me tell you, Lucifer is nothing like that.  He’s a selfish, egotistical ass.  Get a clue and write about something you know about, you hack.

The Devil’s eyes narrowed as he read his brother’s review.  He was tempted to write something scathing back, but he refrained.  This was not a PrinceLuci666 story, where he could lambast his stupid reviewers.  Here he was Lightbringer1 -- a kinder, gentler Devil.  Taking a deep breath, he read the final review... and it was from Chloe!

From RekcedC:  Thank you for gifting this tale to me!  I’m not sure why you chose me as a recipient, but I have to say that I really enjoyed it.  It was a very touching story.  I especially loved Lucifer’s character development.  He was so romantic and caring, and the detective was strong and loyal.  This fic really means a lot to me.  Thank you.

And she had bookmarked it!

Joy such as he had never felt flooded through Lucifer’s insides, and his heart fluttered in his chest like a hummingbird.  She liked it -- she  _ liked _ it!  Unable to sit still, he sprang to his feet and ran to the detective’s desk -- only to see that she hadn’t come in yet.  That’s right, she had to take her little spawn to school.  Dashing over to Ella’s office, he was gratified to see the lab technician just putting down her handbag on her desk.

“She commented!  She commented!” Lucifer cried breathlessly as he ran up to the dark-haired woman.

Ella didn’t even pretend not to know what he was talking about.  Her face lit up as she cried, “She did?  Awesome sauce, Lucifer!  I knew you could do it!  Oh my god, I read your fic this morning before coming to work!”  She hugged him hard, making him squeak out a distressed cry, before releasing him.  “It was so beautiful, I cried!  You definitely are the Lightbringer, Lucifer -- your fics bring light into everyone’s lives!”

Her praise did something funny to the fallen angel’s insides, spreading a warmth through him that felt like sunshine.  “Do you really think so?”

“I know so, dude.  Wow.  I’m so glad you’re in LuciCryph.  I bet all the authors there are just singing your praises to high heaven right now!”

Lucifer winced at her phrase.  “Please, Ella... let’s not discuss Heaven, shall we?”

For a moment she looked at him blankly, before smiling with a sly look on her face.  “Oh.  Right.  Can’t break character for one minute, can you?”

Ignoring the woman’s complete obtuseness over his identity, Lucifer asked, “But... how do I respond to her comment?  I don’t know how to...  Bloody hell, what do I say?”

Ella patted his arm.  “Just be yourself.  I mean, come on, you totally like her --”

_ “What?!” _  Lucifer was horrified at her words.  Was he that transparent?!

“Oh, too soon?” she asked.  “Well, I’m rooting for you two, no matter what you say.  Just be yourself, be kind, and say thank you.”

The fallen angel looked at Ella uncertainly.  “Are you sure that’s all...?”

“Yep!  Don’t worry about a thing!  Now go out there and make me proud, Lightbringer1!”

“Proud?  Over what?” Lucifer asked as she shoved him out of her office.

She only winked and shut the door.

Bloody hell....

 

 

________________________________________

 

 

When he returned to the squad room, he grimaced to see Dan sitting on his chair with his feet on his desk, eating a banana.  So much for logging on and responding to Chloe’s comment.  Disappointment flooded him as he wandered over to his partner’s desk.  Seeing the blonde detective sitting at the computer stirred up Lucifer’s insides and sent shocks of panic through his system.  How should he react?  Should he play it cool and casually ask her about the story?  Or should he just ignore everything and run away?

As he stared at his detective, his heart started to pound even more furiously and there was a rushing in his ears.  Was he going to pass out?  She glanced up at him and smiled.  He automatically waved with a stupid grin on his face, before he looked at his hand in surprise.  Bloody hell, had he just waved at her?  A wretched heat flooded his cheeks.  He was so bedazzled by her that he didn’t even know what he was doing!

Run away.  He had to run away until he could face her without acting like a complete loon.

He was just about to retreat when he heard her say, “Hey, Lucifer.”

Oh, the sound of her voice was like a lasso around his heart, dragging him kicking and screaming toward her.  Bloody hell, what did he say to her?  He had no idea.  Just looking into her aqua eyes, so lovely and filled with kindness, had him completely tongue-tied.  What was he supposed to do?  Hello.  He could say hello.

“Hel --”  His voice cracked in a terribly embarrassing way, so he cleared his throat and tried again, lowering his tone for added control.  “Hello, Detective.”

She didn’t even notice his discomfiture as she started to move files around.  “Do you think you can take these to Records for me?” she asked as she handed him a stack of folders.

“Of... of course,” he said, then stood there like an idiot for a full minute after she had given him the paperwork.

When he didn’t move, she looked up at him in surprise.  “Hey, are you okay?” she asked with concern.

“Yes.  Yes!  Of course, Detective!”  Like a scared mouse he skittered away.  He loitered at Records for as long as he could before he made his way back to Chloe.

She was hard at work on the computer.  Taking a seat across from her, Lucifer tried to figure out the best way to broach the subject of Lightbringer1’s tale.

In the end, he didn’t need to.  Chloe said without looking up from her work, “Hey, do you remember the fanfiction that Ella gifted us a few days ago?  You know, the one based on PrinceLuci -- I mean your -- erotic fiction?”

“Yes,” Lucifer squeaked as he nodded vigorously.

“I got another story based on your writings, but from someone else.”  She slanted a glance at him before turning her attention back to her work.  “Do you think Doctor Martin writes fanfiction?”

The Devil blinked at her.  “What?  Why?”

“Because it was so well done, and obviously written by someone who knew us both.  Some of the cases Lucifer and his detective worked on hit a little too close to home....  Plus, she’s the only one I could think of who could put that kind of emotion into a story.”

Chloe looked up at him then, her eyes shining.  “Have you read it?  It’s called, ‘Lucifer’s Light,’ and it’s beautiful!”  Excitement set her face aglow as she leaned forward on her desk and looked at Lucifer.  He felt himself puffing up with pride at her praise.

“Really?” he asked as he straightened in his chair, a silly grin on his face.  He looked left and right, wanting someone else to hear Chloe’s comments, but there was no one.  He was a little disappointed at that, but nothing could stop the flood of joy spreading from his heart to every corner of his body.

“As Lucifer works alongside his detective in the story, he begins to realize how strong, smart and amazing she is,” she said with a smile.  “He finds himself admiring and respecting her, and... falling in love with her.  At the end he kisses her, calling her his light because she brightens the furthest corners of his dark soul, and makes him a better man.”

Lucifer stared, shocked, as he saw her eyes well up with tears.  Had his story hurt her?  She didn’t sound hurt, but she was in obvious distress....  “And... that’s a bad thing?”

“No, silly,” she said with a laugh as she blinked in an effort to stop crying.

“But you’re crying,” he said with a puzzled look.  Truly, he could not understand humans....

“Because it was a beautiful thing.  Lucifer truly loved his detective.”  She took a deep breath and said wistfully, “If only I could find someone like that, who truly loved me....”

He sat up straight at her words.  “Detective --”

“But I’m pretty sure Linda must have written it.  You know, she really described Lucifer’s body in quite a bit of detail.  I know she slept with you at one point, so....”  Chloe trailed off, then chuckled.  “She was quite descriptive -- you should be pleased!”

“But... but why do you think she wrote it?” the fallen angel asked.  “Why not a man?”

Glancing at him, she gave him a wry smile.  “Not many men are willing to open themselves up emotionally like that.  Most men think with only one thing.”  She pointed down at an area below his waistline, indicating his wedding tackle.

Lucifer followed his gaze from her finger to where she was pointing, and felt his face burn.  She had a point there -- her mere gesture at his wedding tackle had arousal stirring within him like a tiger on the verge of waking up.  “Ah.  I see.”

“Anyway, this is all conjecture.  I’ll have confirmation who Lightbringer1 is, soon enough.”

The Devil felt an uneasiness start to permeate his insides.  “What... what do you mean?”

“Larry from Cyber Crimes is tracking down the IP address.  I’ll know in no time --”

Just then Larry came running up with a piece of paper in his hand.  “Got that information for you, Chloe.  It’s Dan again.”

“Dan?!” Chloe cried, staring with wide eyes at the man.

_ “Dan?!” _ parroted Lucifer, horrified.  No, no, no!  The Douche could not take credit for his hard work -- it was bloody unacceptable!

“It’s all there,” Larry said, as he handed her the piece of paper.

Scanning it, she said distractedly, “Thanks, Larry.  I owe you.”

“Detective, surely there must be some mistake,” Lucifer said in a strained voice as the cyber crimes tech walked away.  “Daniel doesn’t seem the romantic type.”

For a long moment Chloe was silent, before turning to her partner with a concerned look in her eyes.  “Do... do you think this means he wants to get back together?”

“No,” he said in a clear voice.

“Because... that story was so beautiful and so well done -- what if he’s realizing that we should have stayed together?”

_ “No.” _

She looked down at the paper again.  “Or maybe... he’s fallen in love with me again?”

Unable to contain himself anymore, Lucifer burst out, “Bloody hell, Detective!”  When Chloe’s eyes flew to his in surprise, he struggled to get himself under control.  “I mean....  Right.  There’s no bloody way that sod could have written a story such as that.  He’s too... it’s too --”

She wasn’t listening.  He saw that she was in detective mode, concentrating hard on her own thoughts.  “He must feel  _ something _ to be able to write like that....”

Lucifer wanted to start throwing things in a rage.  Upstaged by the douche!  Again!  How could this happen?!  “Right.  Look, Detective, there’s something you need to know --”

But she was already getting to her feet.  “I need to talk to him about this.”

The fallen angel’s insides twisted into a knot of panic.  “No, wait --”

He followed helplessly in her wake as Chloe strode quickly through the squad room to where Dan’s desk was.  The douche looked up as they approached, a smile on his lips.

“Hey, Chloe!” he greeted.

“Dan, we need to talk,” she said as she grabbed his hand and dragged him to one of the interrogation rooms.  Lucifer scrambled to keep up, for his detective was moving very fast... but when they got to the interrogation room, she slammed the door in his face.

“Det-- Detective!” he cried, then stopped.  He could open the door, but he respected Chloe too much to do that.  Obviously she didn’t want him in the room.  He could, of course, listen in....  He hurried to the room behind the one-way mirror and turned on the speakers, watching Chloe and Dan carefully.

“Dan....”  Chloe’s voice sounded gentle, quiet.  Lucifer’s heart gave a lurch.  “Do... do you still have feelings for me?”

“You’re the mother of my child, and we  _ were _ married....  So yeah, sure, of course....”

She stared at him, her brows furrowing.  “So... like friends, or...?”

“Well, of course friends, Chloe.”

Lucifer watched his partner take a deep breath.  “So... you don’t have any lingering romantic feelings for me?”

The douche stared at her for a moment before laughing in her face.  “No!” he cried.  “Whatever gave you that idea?”

Lucifer saw the twinge of pain on her face, and winced.  Bloody stupid douche!  The urge to run into the room and rip off his face was very great, but the Devil restrained himself.  He wanted to see how this played out.

Chloe’s face became shuttered.  “Are you writing on Archive of Our Own?”

“What?  No!”

“Don’t lie to me, Dan.”  She got close to her ex.  “I know when you’re lying.”

The douche frowned, then said, “Well....  Okay, I do write occasionally.”

“As Lightbringer1?” she asked.  Was that hope Lucifer heard in her voice?  Bloody hell, he hoped not....

“Light...?  No!  Who is that?  I’m DanTheMan.”

DanTheMan.  The kind reviewer on the story.  Well, at least Lucifer now knew who DanTheMan was....

Chloe narrowed her eyes in that terribly attractive way that made the fallen angel want to jump into the room, lay her on the table, and make passionate, erotic love to her -- after he punched out the douche and jumped up and down repeatedly on his unconscious body, of course.  “We’re investigating Lightbringer1 for harassment, and the IP address belongs to your computer.”

“My comp -- No, Chloe, no.  Don’t tell me someone is using my computer to write porn again!”  The man flung his arms up in frustration.  “I just changed my password!  Don’t tell me I got hacked again?!”

“Do you know anyone who’s been using your computer?”

“No.  I mean, sometimes when I’m working on a case I forget to log off....”

She frowned.  “Then it could be anyone in the station.”

Dan swallowed hard and nodded.  “Yeah... I guess.”

The fallen angel watched the two stand in silence before Chloe dismissed her ex from the room.  Lucifer dashed out of the back and into the interrogation room in time to see the blonde woman’s shoulders slump and an unhappy look cross her face.

“Detective --” he began, as he walked toward her.  He wasn’t sure what he was going to say, but he knew she was hurting.  Giving comfort was what he wanted to do, but he didn’t know how, so he stopped awkwardly before her and just stood there.

Chloe looked up at him, and gave him a lopsided smile.  “Dan leaves his computer on sometimes, so the author of ‘Lucifer’s Light’ could be anyone.”  She shrugged.  “Not that it really matters.  It could be some perv!” she said and laughed as if to hide her disappointment.

“Right.  About that....”  Lucifer began, when something inside stopped him.  Chloe stood before him, her stunning aqua eyes curious in a face too beautiful to even fathom, with a few wisps of lovely blonde hair escaping from her ponytail.  Frozen, the fallen angel found that he couldn’t move... couldn’t speak.  His insides felt paralyzed by the overwhelming rush of love that overcame him.  He could feel the blood draining from his face as he realized without a doubt that her happiness meant everything --  _ everything _ \-- to him.

Every word he had written in “Lucifer’s Light” had been the unadulterated truth, but he hadn’t realized it at the time.  Now, at this very moment, as he stared down into her eyes and felt himself drowning in their depths, it hit him right in the face.  He loved her, with everything he had... everything he was.  Bloody hell, he felt completely naked standing before her, in a terribly vulnerable way... and it terrified him.  Absolutely terrified him.

The urge to run away from the detective as fast as he could suddenly inundated him.  He could do it -- he could just laugh and walk out... but as he looked at Chloe, standing there with disappointment in her face, he realized he couldn’t leave her like that.  He loved her -- her feelings meant more to him than his fear.  Despite his insides quivering with anxiety, he took a deep breath and took the plunge.

“Listen, Detective....”

“Hmmm?”  She looked up at him.  Even though she was smiling slightly, he could see her unhappiness.

“Ah... right.  This... this story that you read....  Did it mean that much to you, that you need to know who wrote it?”

“Well, it was so beautiful... and there was something about it.  It’s like a... secret admirer, you know?  You want to know who thinks so highly of you.  Maybe... I don’t know -- if I met him, it could be the start of something...?”

“I... see,” Lucifer said, although he didn’t, not really.  “Right...”

Chloe looked at him with a puzzled look on her face.  “Why?”

“Why...?  Ah... right.”

She chuckled.  “You keep saying that.”

“What?” Lucifer asked.

“Right.”

“Oh.  Right.”  He was silent for such a long time that Chloe started to move past him.

“Yes, well, I better get back to work.”

“No, wait --” the fallen angel cried, catching her hand as she walked by.  “I... I need to tell you something.”

“Yes?”  Her face was mildly curious.  “What is it?”

“Well, you know I stopped writing erotica....”

She nodded patiently.

“And... and I thought maybe I could try something else....”  Lucifer bit his lower lip.  Bloody hell, this was hard!  “And... and so I did.”

“Really?”  Chloe lifted an eyebrow at him, a little suspiciously.  “What did you do?”

“Well, I... I did some work on the computer... and... and it was good.”

“What was?”

“Ah.... right.  That.  The thing on the computer.”

“Oh god, Lucifer, what did you do?” Chloe cried, horror starting to creep over her face.  “Did you get into some weird porn site?  You’re not downloading that stuff, are you?!”

_ “No!  _  No.  Nothing so... no.”  He had to tell her.  All he had to do was just open his mouth and let the words come out.

_ I’m Lightbringer1.  I’m Lightbringer1.... _

“Detective, I’m L--”

“Detective!”  An officer whipped open the door and stuck his head in the interrogation room.  “Lieutenant Monroe’s been looking for you.  She wants to discuss the Solomon case with you!”

“Oh, right.  Be right there!” Chloe called to the officer, then turned to Lucifer.  “I’m sorry, I have to go.  We’ll talk later...?  Maybe at lunch?”

The fallen angel said nothing, just nodded mutely as he watched her leave before waiting for his answer.  Lucifer’s insides churned like a writhing mass of snakes as he stared at her receding figure.  Why couldn’t he just tell her that he was Lightbringer1, and that he loved her?  Why couldn’t he?  Why was he so... scared?

He sighed.  He was a fool.  A bloody fool.

He knew why he couldn’t tell her -- the answer was simple.  He was afraid she wouldn’t love him back.  After all, he was a monster.

“Right... right,” he muttered to himself as he rubbed his forehead in frustration before leaving the interrogation room.

 

 

________________________________________

 

 

Lucifer sat at his piano in his flat, with several shot glasses filled with Scotch lined up on the top of the instrument.  After his epiphany in the interrogation room, he found that couldn’t stay around Chloe.  Instead he had headed home, whereupon he proceeded to drink his way through the alcohol in his bar like a fish.

He couldn’t get drunk, of course, but he tried.  There was fear inside him, as all-consuming as a black hole -- and he hated it.  He hated being afraid, but Chloe meant everything to him.  The thought that she might reject him was unbearable.

Staring down at the the glossy white and black keys of the piano, he found that he couldn’t play, so he just sat on the bench and drank.  When the elevator dinged, he didn’t even turn toward the sound.  He plunked a key, then another, and sighed.  “Come to laugh at me again, Maze?” he called out as he took another swig of Scotch from one of the shot glasses on the piano.

“Why would she be laughing?”

Lucifer froze at the sound of Chloe’s voice.  Swallowing down the alcohol hard, he carefully set the empty shot glass on the piano and turned toward her.  She was like a vision, still in the clothes from the morning -- a leather jacket with a snowy white cotton shirt underneath, jeans, and those stylish boots in which he loved to see her.  Anxiety shot through him, as strong as it had been when he had last spoken with her... and there was nowhere to hide.

Bloody hell.

“Detective!” he greeted with false gaiety.  “And what brings you here, to my humble abode?”

“You left work without saying goodbye,” she said as she approached.  “You didn’t even stay for lunch.  You were just... gone.”

Lucifer glanced at her, then started fiddling nervously with the shot glasses on the piano.  “Well, you were busy.  I didn’t want to bother you.”

Chloe took a seat beside him on the bench, and playfully bumped his side.  “Since when does my being busy stop you from bothering me?”

“Right.  Well... I just thought....”  He broke off and looked back down at the piano keys once again.  He could feel her eyes upon him, but he refused to meet her gaze.

“You know, I worry about you sometimes,” she said gently.  “Especially when you get... broody.”

His head shot up at that, his indignant gaze meeting her calm one.  “I am not broody!  The Devil is never broody!”

Chuckling, she patted his arm.  “Okay, you’re not broody.  But Lucifer, if there’s something that’s bothering you, you know you can come talk to me, right?”

He nodded, unable to speak.

“Friends talk to each other, right?  I’d like to think we’re friends as well as partners.”

“We are.  You know we are.”

“I’m glad to hear it.”  She took a deep breath.  “Would you like to talk about it now?”

Lucifer opened his mouth, then closed it again.  What was he to say?  I’m Lightbringer1?  You fill my world with light and laughter?   _ I love you? _

No.  She’d laugh her head off, and he couldn’t bear it.

He said nothing for a long moment, then finally nodded.  “Thank you, Detective.  Your words mean more to me than you know.”

She cocked her head at him, her eyes very wise.  “But you’re not going to talk to me.”

“No.  Not... yet.”  Hurt spasmed across her face at his words; Lucifer saw it and winced.  He couldn’t seem to stop hurting her.

She nodded.  “Okay.”

When Chloe started to get up, he realized he couldn’t leave it like that.  He couldn’t let her leave feeling shut out and unwanted.  He knew far too well from his own personal history how awful that felt.  His hand shot out and captured hers, stilling her movement.  “Detective... I... I want to tell you....”

She sat back down, her face full of tenderness and understanding.  “Yes?”

“It’s not... that I don’t want to talk to you.  It’s just that... I don’t know how.”

Her eyebrows shot up as she looked intently at him.

“I... found out something about myself today....  Something... and I want to tell you, but... I don’t know how.”

“Why not just tell me?” she asked.

Bloody hell, this was hard.  Yes, why couldn’t he just tell her?

But he couldn’t.  He just sat there, fiddling with her hand like a bloody loon.  She seemed to understand his struggle, for she squeezed his hand, then gave him a big hug.  For a brief moment he hesitated, unsure of how to react, before he took her in his arms and held her to him like the world was ending and she was his only anchor.  She was warm and soft against him; he shut his eyes and breathed in the fragrance of her shampoo.  How he loved her!

Finally, she pulled away, and he let her.  He could feel a warmth creeping up into his cheeks -- he hadn’t meant to hold her quite so... firmly, but she didn’t seem upset about it.  Indeed, her cheeks had grown pink as well.

“I’m always here for you, Lucifer,” she said gently, with a smile.  “When you’re ready to tell me, come tell me.”  Leaning forward, she gave him a quick peck on the cheek before stepping away from the piano, which made the bloody heat in his cheeks burn even brighter than before.

As he also rose to his feet, Lucifer realized he wanted to keep holding onto Chloe very badly, but was unable to bring himself to do so.

“Well, I better be going,” she said.  “Trixie’s waiting for me at home.”

She didn’t invite him over, and he didn’t ask.  Nodding, he watched her wave goodbye and leave the flat.

For a long time he just stood there, staring at the closed elevator doors.  He loved her so much, and her kindness touched him deeply.  How could he tell her that he loved her?  Perhaps... in a romantic tale?

Yes... that was the way.  There wouldn’t be any awkwardness if he put it in writing, right?  Suddenly filled with purpose, he strode to his study and sat down at his desk.  Pulling a sheet of paper toward him, he started making notes... and found himself feeling better, at last.

 


End file.
